Short Stories

Small Hearts Just Break In Different Size Pieces

I am still little. I am just in second grade. Can't somebody tell me what to do? God, I don't have no one to help me. I have been trying hard to do good in school but I don't know everything that the other kids do. I have already been in second grade one time but then my Mom got that sick thing they called cancer and she didn't help me with my school stuff anymore much. Always she was so tired and sick and she talked to my teacher and they told me it would be good for me to stay in second grade again so I could learn lots of stuff and be the smartest boy in third grade. I think my teacher is the best in the whole school and she is so pretty. I was happy but after they talked, my Mamma started crying on the way home. I just don't understand so much anymore. What makes big people cry? I don't cry unless I hurt myself like the time I fell out of the tree. Well, I didn't before but I cry now a lot and I don't know why but I do.

It is so lonesome and sad now all the time. My Mamma used to work everyday but always she had snacks for me and my brother waiting on the table when we got home from school. Sometimes she used to chase us all over the house just to pop our toes cause we hated it so much but when she popped them, we all laughed. We always used to laugh a lot at my house. My Mamma was so funny. One day she dressed up like Pippy Long Stocking and my aunt B.B. made her hair like all folded up, I think Aunt B.B. called it braids and she put a coathanger wire into each side and made them stick out straight. Mamma looked so funny and we rolled on the floor and laughed at her but she laughed too. She let me wear a Bugs Bunny suit that day and we went trick and treating.

Every morning when we got up, there they were. All our clothes to wear to school. She said we didn't know what to wear with each other but I didn't care. I liked to see my clothes in a pile because I knew she put them there. She said my Daddy didn't know how to dre! ss eithe r so I guess that was okay.

I remember when we were on the couch watching TV, she would scratch my brother's back and mine too. Her fingernails were so long and we would get goosebumps and more laughing.

Even when my Mamma was so sick and had to stay in bed all day, she would hold on to the couch and look out the window and see my brother and me waiting for the bus. Everytime I looked at the house, I could still see her. She always waited until we were on the bus before she would lay down.

Then the day came that we had to go live at my Nana's house. Mamma said that her Mamma would take care of her and us too. It really wasn't so bad cause I love my Nana but I don't really like living with old people all the time. Nana was always fun and playing games with me and my brother and my 3 cousins too and once she let us make cookies all by ourselves. She didn't care about the mess we made throwing flour but something made her not want to eat any of the cookies when they were ready. But they were good.

Nana isn't the same Nana anymore. She cries a lot now when my Mamma can't hear her and sometimes she sleeps in chairs and on the couch and stuff. She doesn't do fun stuff with us anymore.

Then it was that day at school when my Uncle came and told us we had to go see the dentist but when we got into his car, he told us that our Mamma had gone to Heaven and we needed to see her before she went. How could we see her if she had already gone? She didn't tell me she was going anywhere. She always hugs and kisses us before she goes anywhere.

He took us to Nana's house and we went into my Mamma's bedroom. I forgot to tell you that she had a bed that goes up and down if you push buttons on it. You don't even have to have pillows because your head goes up and up and up.

My Mamma's hair was all brushed out without her hair stuff for girls in it anymore. It was so long and so black and so shiny. She hadn't gone to Heaven or anywhere, she was just asleep. But why was everybody crying? Even my b rother was crying and he is almost 12 years old and he never ever cries. There was so many people there. I think everybody was there that always brings cookies and lots of food at Christmas.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Everything is so mixed up. Where is my Daddy? I think somebody should tell him that Mamma is going to Heaven. Maybe if he was here, he wouldn't let her go. It is just a few days after Christmas and if he couldn't come to bring our presents, maybe nobody knows where he is. I know what town he works in but I don't know the numbers to tell him even if I dial the phone.

Then some big men took my Mamma outside the front door on a funny bed with big rollers on it and they had her covered up all the way over but it is cold outside. I guess they might be taking her to Heaven now.

If my Daddy isn't here and now my Mamma is not here, where will I sleep tonight and what about my brother? Maybe they will take us back to our old house but there isn't any beds there anymore. I saw them take the table and chairs and all the stuff out. What will we sleep on? Maybe Nana has some sleeping bags for us. I don't know what to eat because I saw Nana put all our food in some boxes that the man at Brookshires gave to her. My basketball goal is still there I know cause I watched my Daddy pour some hard stuff in it so maybe we could play basketball but I don't want to go back there without Mamma and Daddy. It would be scary.

Well, now I know that I had to stay here for a long time cause I have been here a long time. Nana showed me and my brother a rock with my Mamma,s name on it. It is in a pretty place in the country under a tree. It is a cemetery. I learned that word. Sometimes we put flowers there where the rock is and sometimes Nana cries a lot again and talks to Mamma but I don't know what to say to the rock. I know it is a pretty rock and I like to see my Mamma's name but I still don't know what to talk about.

God, please let me be smarter and know what to say and do sometimes. I d on't want to say that I am scared but God, I am really, really scared. I know two things. I hate the word Cancer because it steals Mothers and I know now how important it is to laugh because our family doesn't laugh anymore.

If I could have just one wish, I would wish I could be a family again. God, I know I am just a little kid but thank you for listening to me. My Mamma always told me that I could talk to you anytime. I can't see you either and everybody tells me that you are in Heaven so if you are and my Mamma is with you, would you give her a hug for me and tell her I want her to come back to live with me. Thank you God.